That's Corporate

Due to budget cuts, I work at a library branch that hardly has any books and mostly serves as an internet kiosk for kids cutting school to play computer games and watch hulu. I could tell them to leave, but then the library would be empty and I would get lonely.

The CEO of our company is one of those trailblazing outdoorsy millionaires who climbs mountains types that you read about, but wonder if they actually exist. In an effort to encourage active lifestyles, he had sick days, vacation days and personal days all renamed “adventure days.” So, instead of saying, I took a personal day, you say, I took an adventure day. My last adventure day? A five hour visit to the doctor’s office.

My boss does stand up comedy at open mic nights on the weekends. He’s terrible, but doesn’t seem to know this. Most of his jokes are dumb, offensive and painfully unfunny. He has a website for his stand up “career” and always posts youtube videos of his performances. At the end of every week, he quizzes me on which jokes I thought were the best/funniest, so I have to keep up with his performances, even though I’d rather read Twilight while having sandpaper raked over my eyes. After I finish that week’s train wreck, I always spend the rest of the afternoon checking the unemployment benefits website and figuring out if I could pay bills with what I’d get.

At my company we have a swear jar, but instead of an actual jar, they just deduct money from our checks without telling us. I lost $50 off my last check for singing along to a Jay Z song under my breath while I listened to it on headphones. My cubicle mate of five years turned me in.